All I can do is keep breathing now
by laninanina
Summary: after 6x24: i always wanted to know what happened between Owen and Cristina after the shooting. This is how I'm imagining it. Reviews are very welcome :)
1. Remedy

**A/N: hi everyone I'm new here and I'm kinda nervous actually to post one of my fanfics (I know it's silly but yeah ^.^) I'm watching Grey's since I was a little girl and I became enamored with the love story of Cristina and Owen. I am so sad that they aren't together on TV anymore because I think that Owen will never have the same relationship with another woman than he has had with Cristina, so why should he settle for anything less than his absolute best?**

 **English is not my first language, but I love writing and reading it!**

 **This one shot is about Cristina reconnecting with Owen after the season six finale. Lots of things are unsaid and Cristina needs to be comforted by her very own man, doesn't she?**

She breathed in deeply and tried to arrange her thoughts. She knew that overanalyzing it would only make things worse, but she simply could not stop thinking about it. Thinking about him lying on the floor… She grabbed her head and banished her mind from all the horrible images that she still remembered like it had happened a few hours ago. Oh wait! It all really did happen a few hours ago. This was not just a horror movie where you would go to sleep with an uneasy feeling and maybe would get a nightmare. Because then you would wake up and remember that it was not real. Cristina still waited to wake up.

When the SWAT had come in and had told them that they were safe and that they could get out of the hospital, she had let out a few more tears out of relief and, because of her thought that there could not have been any tears left, a giggle had escaped a mouth and then a laugh. She had laughed while everybody else had stared at her with disbelief. She had known that she had to concentrate on stitching Derek up but there had been only so much she had been able to take on one day. Yet, there had been her breaking point. She had laughed until her throat had closed up and then had concentrated on Derek's surgery. She had known that everybody had been watching her but she hadn't cared. She had been actually kind of glad that nobody had been talking some sense into her because everybody had thought she had been the afraid little girl whose world had tumbled upside down.

Afterwards she had accompanied Meredith out of the scrub room and had gone to get checked out by the paramedics. She really hadn't wanted to leave Meredith on her own because she was a doctor and because she had known what those bloodstains on Meredith's thighs had meant but she had had to follow the protocol and she hadn't really had the nerve to argue with anybody about it. And since she had had to get her check-up, she hadn't been able to look for Owen who most likely had been brought to get examined by lots of doctors who even though there had been a shooting at the hospital had to do their job.

Now reflecting on all that stuff she rubbed her forehead and her eyes. She hadn't realized earlier how tired she was and how much energy the surgery on the Chief had cost her body. A little part of her that had survived was unbelievably proud that she had been able to complete this surgery with this amount of pressure on her. But that part of her mind was nothing compared to the part where she wished she would have never experienced the previous hours. Hell, she even wished she would have never experienced the previous weeks. Because then she and Owen would be okay and she needn't to feel afraid to face him.

Cristina tapped her foot on the clean floor of the locker room and let her head drop. She simply didn't have the energy to listen to anybody or anything. She just wanted to be alone and grieve over her loss. The loss of herself. So she sat in the intern's locker room because she knew that with all that trouble out there nobody would think of getting any of the stuff outta here. And because many of the interns hadn't made it out alive, so they wouldn't bother. She gritted her teeth, but said nothing. She had never been a fan of interns even when she had been one but she kind of prayed that some dead intern would come back to life and actually care about his stuff and get on her nerves. But reality is cruel and so everything stayed the same it was thirty seconds ago.

Earlier when everybody had thought she had gone insane, she had thought that there were simply no more tears left to shed. She had thought that her laugh had been a way to bring out her emotions. But she had been wrong. There were tears left. One tear rolled over her cheek, but Cristina didn't care to wipe it away. She silently cried and tried to keep her head down, when after a while someone opened the door and silently closed it. Cristina couldn't see who had come in, because she was too busy to compose herself and to keep her head down so that the person couldn't see her face and her tears. After all, she didn't share her grief with anyone.

But the stranger didn't move away but sat on the bench next to her. She didn't dare to move. She prayed that the nervous intern would just clear out his locker and go home and wouldn't care about her crying on a bench. Why interns did always had to be so attentive, she thought angrily and sat straight up as the intern touched her shoulder lightly. But the person she was looking at wasn't an intern anymore. Cristina was looking Owen Hunt straight in the eyes. Those blue eyes she hadn't wanted to look in because she had known that his appearance would blow her plans. She was afraid of falling into his arms and sobbing until she couldn't anymore, because she still wasn't sure what really was going on between the two of them. She wanted Owen to speak first, so he could promise her that he really had chosen her and that he only loved _her_. But being so close to him and having him lightly touching her shoulder threw her plans out of the window.

"Cristina," he whispered lightly, possibly afraid that him saying her name would break something deep inside of her. She had known way before that day that Owen was a protective one but nothing could be compared to him whispering her name like that. This brought more tears to her eyes and she tried to fight the urge to curl up against his chest, but when Owen cupped her cheek with his good hand, she just let the tears flow. He smiled in an understanding way and stroked her cheek and occasionally wiped away a few tears. They sat like that for a while never stop staring at each other. But eventually he stopped stroking her cheek, took her hand and sighed. It seemed as if he wasn't able to find the right words either. So Cristina just stared at their hands intertwined blending everything else out but his presence.

"I wish I knew what to say to take all your pain away. But I don't think you'd want me to." She didn't expect an apology, at least not this kind of apology. He sounded defeated and broken down which was actually pretty normal if you thought about him getting shot.

"I'm sorry he took you back to that place. I wish I could take your fears away." Her voice was hoarse and a shiver traveled down her spine, but she had to be strong right now. She could fall apart later.

Owen shook his head and his look showed pure love and compassion. "I wasn't afraid of Iraq. I was afraid about you. I have been more afraid than I have ever been when he had pointed the gun to your neck." His voice broke and she could see the tears in his eyes. And then the dam broke. She buried her face in his good shoulder and tried to press herself to his warm skin without hurting him. She sobbed and Owen held her tight and kissed her hair.

"I love you, Cristina."

His voice wasn't weak anymore, it was clear and steady and that fact made her cry even harder. She clung to his jacket, pretty sure that she was hurting him right now, but he didn't say anything and neither did she. She just needed him to be there for here. She needed his comforting embrace and his reassurances that even if she had nothing left, she still had him. Owen rocked her and the scene was similar to the one a few days ago, where he had to comfort her about her dad's death: Cristina crying about something that couldn't be changed and Owen trying to make her feel better. But right now there wasn't any comfort for her. When she finally calmed down a bit and pulled herself together, she drew away to look at him and concern was spread all over his face. She knew he had a lot of questions about her, about them, but right now she just had to laugh and kiss him. His lips felt good beneath hers and when their lips met, she felt like everything was going to be okay and that nobody else could take away the bond they shared. This kiss was about them reconnecting physically and mentally. Their relationship requiring no words was suddenly splayed out in front of them. It was so real that she could already feel it as he gathered her in his good arm and she clung to his neck.

When the kiss ended, both of them had smiles on their faces. Both of them were well aware of the fact that they still had lots of things to discuss, but nothing of that mattered right now. Cristina and Owen just wanted to share a bit of their happiness with each other.

Cristina was the first to move and stood up. "I have to be with Mer right now, she needs me," she explained and removed her hand from his shoulder, but brought him up with her. He lightly traced the lines of her body and whispered, afraid of destroying their happy bubble, "okay, I'll wait for you here." That made her smile and kiss him again just because she could. Then she left the room.

 **A/N: should I continue this one-shot? do you want to know how Cristina and Owen work through their issues? please tell me :D**


	2. Forgiveness

Cristina opened the door to the O/B wing hoping that Meredith was still waiting for her. After her best friend had begged her to make sure Owen and Kepner would not tell a living soul about this horrible incident in the OR. She had seen the fear in Meredith's eyes that someone would accidentally spill the news to Derek and so she hadn't hesitated and had made sure that her secret wouldn't be revealed. As she pulled the doors open she wondered if Meredith even wanted her to come back and support her. She knew that the procedure was already done. She had a feeling that in some way Meredith was glad that she had to do it alone. Of course Meredith needed the comfort of her person, but she knew that Cristina knew that she had to grieve alone. With that, she opened the door to the waiting room and found Meredith sitting there and staring at the floor as if doing that was an aspect of life that one shouldn't miss. Silently Cristina sat next to her friend, unsure of what to say next. Instead, she just took her hand and squeezed it gently a couple of times. Meredith nodded to accept the gesture.

Surprisingly, Meredith was the first one to speak, "I wish he already knew. I mean I don't want to tell him, but I wish he would be the one to comfort me. But unfortunately I am alone." She swallowed hard, because she fought back her tears and as Cristina wanted to interfere, she waved her off, "I know you want to be there for me and I appreciate it. But sometimes I just want _him_." She was finally looking at Cristina with a look full of grief and regret. Then she suddenly pulled Cristina into her arms and held onto her with a firm grip.

"Thank you for saving him," she whimpered and pulled her person even tighter to her. Cristina, most of the time capable of keeping her emotions in check, let out a sigh and closed her eyes out of relief. The day was over and although it has almost cost them everything to survive, they were still alive.

"I thought we didn't do hugs," answered Cristina in a mocking tone. She could hear Meredith letting out a laugh.

"Nobody of us has ever thought we'd do love either."

A wave of uncertainty washed over Cristina's face. She knew Meredith's dislike of Owen, she had never hidden her intentions. It was not that Cristina didn't understand Meredith, maybe she would have reacted similarly if Derek had strangled Meredith in the middle of a nightmare or if he had questioned his love for her. But the point that Meredith didn't want to see was that despite Owen's PTSD, his love for Cristina has never been needed to be questioned. Owen's love was so profound that it was sweeping her off her feet. Cristina was Owen's everything and any idiot could see that, but for Meredith she only remembered the horrible marks on Cristina's neck that fateful night so many days ago.

How would her best friend react to her and Owen's reunion? Were they even reunited? Cristina didn't know. God, those questions gave her a headache.

"Earth to Cristina, are you still there?" Meredith seemed to be genuinely interested in what her best friend had been thinking. But Cristina just shook her head and smiled. "Sorry."

Meredith suddenly turned serious again. "I think I'm gonna go and see Derek now. Are you okay on your own?"

"Sure. Please go, I don't want to waste your time." Cristina squeezed her hand one last time and then rose to leave. She decided she would tell Meredith about Owen later. There were more important things on Meredith's mind, anyway.

As Cristina walked the hallways, an uneasy feeling overcame her. She wanted to grab Owen and get out of here as fast as possible, but she knew there was one last thing she had to do: she had to find Teddy.

She didn't need to look for long. She saw Teddy standing with Arizona and Dr. Webber talking about the amount of injured people and about those that hadn't made it out alive. Immediately the three doctors turned around and looked at the girl who saved the Chief Surgery.

"Yang… for what you did and for what you suffered, there are no words," Dr. Webber said, "but I can simply say that you are a hero and that Derek Shepherd wouldn't be alive without you."

"Thank you, Sir." Cristina looked at him, terrified. That was not what she wanted to hear. She didn't want to hear about how brave she was and how much of a hero she was, she just wanted to talk to Teddy.

Teddy sensed that Cristina felt uncomfortable and took her by the elbow to guide her somewhere, where they would get a little bit more privacy. She looked at her student for a long moment and sighed, "Cristina, don't you realize the amount of pressure you have beared?"

Cristina looked at her feet, unsure how to answer. "I-I know, Teddy. Trust me, no one else is more aware of that than I am. I just don't like to be called a hero," she quietly added.

Teddy nodded showing her understanding.

"I want you to stay," Cristina blurted out. She didn't know where that came from, but she knew that she couldn't lose such a great teacher.

"I love Owen, I really do," she proceeded, "but I need you too. I need you to stay and help me become the best cardiothoracic surgeon of my generation. I want to learn from you, you are the best teacher I've ever had."

Silence passed on between the two of them. Was she still contemplating to stay or not? Cristina knew that her pleadings most likely wouldn't be heard, but she also knew that Teddy liked her and wanted to teach her. Actually it all came down to how much the older surgeon would be able to bear. Would she be able to bear seeing Cristina and Owen together? Because she once thought she would, but that didn't turn out so well.

"I know you want me to stay and I would like to be the one who brings out the best in you. It's just not that easy. I know about his feelings and I still have to accept them. I have to reflect on everything and make my decision without you." Teddy's answer was better than Cristina had expected and so the younger surgeon nodded and started to walk away, but got soon held up by Teddy's voice, "besides Cristina: you are a hero, no matter what you say."

Suddenly Cristina felt a familiar hand touching lightly her shoulder and turning her around. Owen was standing in front of her and smiled. His arm was in a sling, his scrubs were bloody and so was his hair and he looked like he hadn't slept in a long time and he looked wonderful. She sighed and just leaned her head on Owen's good shoulder and he immediately wrapped an arm around her slim waist. "Ready to go home?" he whispered in her ear softly. She nodded against his neck. "Yeah, I just have to change first. Meet me outside the hospital?"

After changing into her ordinary street clothes she took her bag from her locker door and turned to finally get out of here. She took Owen's hand who was already waiting for her and held onto it. But Owen released her hand and slung his arm around her waist and she held onto his waist, carefully avoiding his bad side. Her head rested on his shoulder and finally she could allow herself to let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Owen rubbed her arm reassuringly but he couldn't prevent the tears that were falling onto his jacket. He stopped and turned around to look at Cristina. Her eyes were red and she had trouble finding her breath, but overall she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. He took her face in his hands and kissed her to show her all his love, since neither of them could talk.

At home Cristina instinctively curled up on the couch and closed her eyes. She wasn't able to do small talk now and although she was so relieved that Owen was alive and still with her, right now she just wanted to be alone. She wasn't sure if Owen was prepared to see her like this. She knew how people at the hospital talked about her. She was the robot, the ice princess and because of her cold attitude nobody really believed in her and Owen's relationship. That's the reason why Teddy hadn't given up on Owen and that's the reason why Cristina had been the first one to know about Izzie's cancer. They all thought she could bear it and she wouldn't get in between. But the truth was that it was just easier to keep it all in. Cristina felt things so deeply and cared so much for the people she loved that she couldn't express her emotions to anyone. She wasn't big on talking about her feelings, because she was afraid of what would happen to her if she actually said them out loud. Cristina was a professional on the outside and everyone knew that. But on the inside there was nothing professional left anymore.

"Do you want something to drink?"

Owen asked from the kitchen. When he didn't get an answer, he turned around and found Cristina curled up on the sofa. He sighed and kneeled down beside her. Owen knew how Cristina felt. She felt numb and worn out. She couldn't imagine how to just live again. After that day it seemed that life would never be the same. Back when they had met, Owen had been similarly damaged and because he knew how horrible this experience was, he was afraid of what that would do to Cristina. He tucked a curl behind her ear that was loosely hanging over her face, and just admired her beauty. Even after such a terrible day she still took his breath away and it pained Owen to see how afraid she was. She didn't deserve this kind of pain in any way. Unsure of how to comfort her any further he climbed over and just took her into his arms. He nuzzled his face into her neck and buried his face in her curls. With his good arm he held her tight to ensure that nobody would take her away from him.

"Owen?"

"Yes?" Owen's eyes were heavy because of the lack of sleep and because he was already drifting off to sleep.

"Thank you for not dying." Cristina's voice was only a whisper and Owen knew that it was hard for her to keep her emotions in check. She turned around and looked at him for a moment before she snuggled back into him.

"I would have never left you alone. I am not going anywhere. I will always be with you because I love you." Those words were the only ones she wanted to hear and not a bunch of crap about she was a hero and how grateful anybody else was. She wanted to be loved – by Owen. A smile crept onto her face and leaned up to kiss him softly because she couldn't express her love for him with words.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you, Cristina. I love _only_ you. I know that now."

Cristina couldn't see his face expression, but she didn't doubt him for a second. She knew that Owen didn't play with her, he never wanted to cause her any pain. She got that it had been a very confusing time for him when he had to face his past and she knew how he reacted to his past.

So she immediately sat up and put her fingers over mouth, earning a surprised look from him, "I know. Believe me, Owen, I know. You have issues. But I would not lie here with you if I didn't want that."

"I can't believe what a woman God gave me." Cristina rolled her eyes at that comment, but actually she loved his sappiness and his need to express his love for her every day. She leaned down to kiss him and she knew that this time he would be hers forever.

 **A/N: I'd like to believe that Owen and Cristina don't have a long conversation about why he couldn't answer her if he loved her or Teddy. I think in her state she needs someone and right now Owen is that someone. Of course she doesn't want to be the second girl to him, but I'd like to believe that she can forgive him so easily because she is so in love with him. Have a good day/night whenever you are reading this** **! Reviews are always welcome:D**


	3. Pieces you left behind

Screaming is a way to express your emotions without words. If you are unable to contain your emotions, you have no other choice but to scream. The emotions crawl out of you, so slowly that you don't notice at first. But they are building up higher and higher until your soul is surrounded by a wall of hidden feelings that cannot be torn down. So your body makes them explode. Big.

Her eyes widened, her distress visible on her sweaty face. She gasped hoping to hear herself breathing, to get any information if she was alive or not, but only a sob escaped her mouth. Even though she was quivering, she felt strong arms around her, trying to stop the chills that were racking her body. She tried to force air into her lungs, but no air would come. She felt herself beginning to panic – she could rattle off her symptoms – so she just held on to those strong arms which enveloped her and tried to breathe evenly. Something about those arms made her feel safe and secure. So secure that she didn't even realize how her body calmed down and how reality set back in.

Owen woke up by someone moving from left to right. At first he thought he was still dreaming, but then he recognized Cristina's sleeping form turning herself from left to right. He immediately knew that something was wrong and first he thought she couldn't sleep and tried to comfort her, but then he saw her eyes closed and her tiny hands fisting the duvet. After years of experience with nightmares and unfortunately also night terrors he knew what distress his girlfriend was in. What he didn't know was how to get her out. He had always been the one, who had needed to be saved, but apparently not anymore and now that the roles were reversed, he didn't know how to react.

He hovered over her sleeping body and gently shook her, trying to erase the distorted look on her face. Owen was beyond anxious. Seeing Cristina in such mental pain drove all sense out of him. He wanted to hold her, to soothe her, to tell her that he's never going away and that he would protect her from any harm.

Owen heard her gasping and quickly took her into his arms, pressing her face into his neck. It was tearing his heart apart hearing Cristina crying and holding onto his arms for dear life.

"I'm here, Cristina, you're awake. You're safe. I'm here," he repeatedly whispered into her ear while he rocked her gently.

He didn't know how long he sat there in this dark room with her, but eventually she forced out the words, "i-it w-was real."

Suddenly everything became real. When she had woken up, she hadn't been able to remember anything, but now every piece of her dream set back into place. Now she could remember everything so vividly. She always thought she was over the shooting, it had been already three months since that horrible day. But she was wrong. Maybe inwardly she knew that she could never get the picture of the gun pointing at her neck or the man shooting Owen out of her mind. That thought sent her back to tears and she cried out her desperation and pounded her fists into Owen's chest.

Suddenly the door to Cristina's bedroom opened and Owen had to protect his eyes from the bright light of the corridor. As his eyes accustomed to the light, he recognized Callie in the door step.

"What happened?" she didn't seem to be too delighted about seeing Owen there. She scrutinized Owen suspiciously. Probably she remembered the night the last time she heard Cristina screaming for help.

"Don't worry Callie, I got her" Owen replied and held his girlfriend even tighter. He really didn't care about Callie's worries right now, his only concern was Cristina. Callie seemed to be reluctant to leave, but eventually closed the door again, but not without telling Owen that he should wake her if Cristina needed her.

After Owen saw Callie disappear, he turned his attention back to the crying bundle in his arms and just rocked her until her crying subsided. And after that she just stayed in his arms, seeking for comfort. He was desperate to find out what had caused her panic attack, but he knew that he wouldn't get a satisfying answer from her. She was a stubborn little woman and if he knew anything about her, then that she didn't like to talk about her feeling. But he also was aware of the fact that if Cristina Yang cried, something terrible must have happened.

Suddenly she put herself into an upright position and drew her knees to her chest and stared out into the darkness. Her breathing slowed down and only a few tears escaped her eyes now. She felt numb and exhausted. Her nightmare had robbed her of all strength, there was simply no energy left. She didn't even register Owen crawling behind her, pulling her to his chest and lying down with her on top.

"It's okay, I know how you feel. You don't have to talk. I will do all the talking, okay?"

Cristina turned her head into the crook of his neck and just nodded. She was glad that she had someone, who was strong for them right now.

"I know you don't want to talk about it. And we will talk about it, when you are ready, okay? So don't think I force you into doing something you don't want. Just let me comfort you." The last sentence was only above a whisper as he himself was overcome with emotions.

"I-I really… I can't t-talk…" Cristina tried to formulate a coherent sentence, but she couldn't put her million thoughts into the correct order.

"I know" he turned her face and forced her to look him into the eye.7 "I know, Cristina. You should sleep now."

She shook her head, afraid to relive her dreams all over again. "I can't Owen. Don't make me go back there." The desperation in her voice broke his heart. He never wanted her to feel insecure.

"Let's stay up then" he suggested, "we could watch a movie or read something."

She nodded and they sat up together. She knew Owen had a lot of questions, but she was glad that he knew better than to ask. As Owen turned on the television, she settled back into the pillow and grabbed Owen's hand, seeking his nearness. He just smiled warmly at her and kissed her softly but deeply. And for the first time this night she thought she could survive with him by her side.

She strode through the hospital hallways clearly more relaxed. Owen had made sure this morning that she was on his service today, so he could keep an eye on her. He acted like it had been a coincidence, but of course she knew better. Cristina could have guessed that a day after her breakdown Owen's savior complex would pop into action and she couldn't really feel annoyed by it, because she knew he had every reason to be worried. It was just in his personality that he cared so much for the people he loved. Maybe the time in the army even heightened it. Gift and curse at the same time, she thought as she filled out some charts. She was oblivious to her surroundings when suddenly a coffee appeared in front of her and with it, Meredith.

"Hey!" she greeted enthusiastically and Cristina looked at her with a raised eyebrow. She wasn't sure what made Meredith so cheery happy or if it just was one of her mood swings. She seemed to have them almost daily nowadays.

"Wow, what are you a ray of sunshine? What happened to dark and twisty?"

"Oh since dark and twisty didn't seem to bring me luck, I thought I'd try out April-style happy and cheery. I don't know why, but I feel better than I have the last few days."

"Oh so we are in our ,we-process-our-loss-with-good-mood' phase? Because I am definitely not up for that." Cristina commented and drew her attention back to her charts.

Meredith frowned. "I went to see Alex today."

"Really? Well…how is he?" Damn it, every conversation had to revolve around the shooting.

"He's holding up. But I think it's Lexie we have to worry about."

"Why? Did Lexipedia cut her arms in slices again?"

"No, but Alex seemed to have broken up with her. He's treating her like one of his servants. But Lexie being Lexie can't bring herself to let go…"

Cristina was annoyed with Meredith, but mostly with Lexie? Didn't this woman see that there were more important things than her break-up? Like survival?

"Look, if she comes to you, you can talk with her, but otherwise you stop thinking about her. She's a grown-up, she can do things on her own. So just let her be and beyond that, don't annoy me with those kind of stories." Cristina knew she sounded pissed and Meredith would wonder what her reasons were, but she couldn't help herself.

Finally, it dawned Meredith that something was going completely wrong with her best friend. "Wow, are you alright? Where did that come from?"

"Nothing, I-just… forget it."

She just wanted to walk away and leave her friend alone with her thoughts, when Meredith asked nonchalantly: "How's Owen?"

Cristina stopped in her step and slowly turned around. Damn it, she didn't want to have that conversation. Not now. Not when everything she had depended on him.

She put on a brave face and smiled. "Owen's fine, we're… fine." She hoped Meredith didn't notice the slightly ambiguous undertone. But, of course, she did.

"So… you won't tell me anything? How you celebrated your big reunion? Because, you know, I've seen you two this morning together and you clearly-"

"Okay, Mer, please just stop it," Cristina hissed, trying to be as discreet as possible in the crowded hallway. "I can't and I certainly won't do this now. You have no right here to judge us. Remember when Derek did-"

"This is a totally different story-" Meredith interfered, but Cristina wouldn't let her continue.

"No, it isn't, and you know it. You know why you chose him back then. You chose him because he meant something to you. And because it was easier for you to live with the pain he caused than to live without him." Her voice had raised during her speech and by then, everyone, who had been near them, was staring at them. Among all of their faces, she saw Owen. He looked shocked and disturbed by the scene. Cristina sighed inwardly. She knew she was going to fuck it up. So she just turned and walked away, not deigning to look at her best friend once, leaving everybody, including Meredith, speechless.

She was home before he was. The rest of the day they had worked in silence and they weren't able to talk with each other, because he had been called in for an emergency surgery. So she was anxiously waiting for him to get home, because she hadn't been sure earlier how to read him. She knew Owen must be confused and slightly offended by Meredith's accusations, but she really hoped he knew that she didn't think the same way and didn't see things the same way Meredith did. Of course, she hadn't built up her trust for him completely, but he was her rock and right now, she felt like she was drowning.

So she was sitting in her bed, watching a coronary artery bypass operation, while eating cereal, when she heard a key turn in the lock. Curiously, she eyed the door and watched him coming over to the bedroom and leaning against the doorframe. For a while they just stared at each other, communicating silently.

"How was surgery?" His look didn't give anything away, so she spoke first. Small talk would do just fine.

"It was good." He didn't seem to be sure if he should go near her or just stay where he was. "The guy was seriously lucky that his liver wasn't seriously damaged, so he's gonna be okay. He's in recovery."

Cristina just nodded and turned her head back to the surgery video. She didn't know what to say further without actually mentioning the outbreak in the hallway. When she looked back to the door, Owen was gone. Well, he wasn't really gone, he was somewhere in the apartment moving around, she could hear his heavy footsteps. _At least he's not going to leave._

But she couldn't remain still for long, so she grabbed the box of cereal and headed into the living room, where Owen sat on the sofa. She looked at him, all serious, for a long moment before finally giving in to the pulling in her chest and joined him on the couch, laying her head on his shoulder and giving him an encouraging squeeze. In response he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer.

She suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to tell him her soul.

"I love you."

"I know. And still…"

She sighed. She knew that Owen would have doubts, but she couldn't push away the thought that was telling her that she had gone through the exact same thing that he did now. But in his case, he didn't have to worry about anything.

"Why do you think I fought with Meredith? You know what she thinks and you didn't give a damn about it and I didn't either, so why now?" She looked up at him and was again fascinated by his beautiful blue eyes.

He opened his mouth and closed it again. He was obviously torn between contradicting and giving in.

"I… I think you need her… and she needs you. Especially now, after the loss of her child, she… I don't want you two to fight over our relationship… I don't want to come in between…"

She nuzzled his neck and breathed in his unique scent. The scent that she loved, the scent she never wanted to live without. How could he still, after everything, have doubts about him being no good for her?

"You're not in between." She mumbled.

"Maybe I am. You know maybe if you don't want…"

She sensed where this conversation was going, so she quickly shut him up by holding a finger over his mouth.

"Owen, I need you. Despite what Meredith says, I will probably always need you. And I don't care about a single thing what the others think and you shouldn't either." She gave him a long, deep kiss and she could feel him relax beneath her lips.

When she pulled away, she saw him grinning at her and rolled her eyes. Owen loved to win.

"You know I need you too, my little drama queen." He chuckled and hid his nose in her hair.

"Seriously, I am hardcore, I am no drama… and I don't need you that much." She grinned and she knew the last part of the sentence wasn't true, but she didn't want to let him have his victory just yet.

"Ohh reeallyy?" he pulled away just a bit to look her straight in the eyes, all the while smiling this goofy smile she absolutely loved. "Come on, admit it, you can't breathe without me."

She boxed him lightly in the shoulder while dissolving in giggles.

"Hey, I can't take responsibility for everything I said during our relationship."

"Of course!" he replied dead-serious, but knowing he had won.

And while they were sitting in Cristina's living room, laughing together, it occurred to her how lucky she was to have such an understanding and loving man by her side. She knew that even if her whole world would tumble upside down, she always had him to come home to. She walked through hell to get back to him, and she would do it again, in a heartbeat.

6


	4. Feels like we're not broken just bent

**A/N: thanks for the reviews** **they really make my day! Here's the final chapter.**

"Cristina."

"No, Owen."

"Stop it. We are going to talk about this. You are not deciding this alone!" He paced around the room, trying to make her understand his point of view. But, of course, with Cristina Yang it would be difficult.

"Owen, are you really trying to force me into going to therapy? This is not your choice, it is mine alone!" Cristina was furious. She knew beyond her anger that she was deeply afraid. She didn't understand why it was necessary for her to see a therapist since it wouldn't do her anything good either. That, she was convinced of.

"Cristina, I am not forcing you to do anything. All I am trying to say is that therapy isn't as bad as you think. And-"

"No, I don't want to hear it!" Cristina interfered. She wished Owen would just shut the hell up.

Owen had stopped walking up and down and was now looking at her with an intense stare. "Do you really think you can get through this alone? Because you can't! Come on, you can't be that naive."

Cristina pressed her lips tightly together. She knew if she opened her mouth right now, nothing nice would come out of it, and she would have Owen storming out of her apartment. And she couldn't be having that. She needed him. And last time she checked, she thought she had him.

"I thought I at least had you." She whispered to nobody in particular. She stared at the floor, watching Owen kneeling down and putting his hands reassuringly on her knees.

"Cristina, you always have me. That's why I want to help you. Because I hate to see you suffering like that." He tried to read her eyes, but failed miserably. In times like these his beautiful Cristina was unrecognizable. Like she just needed to push a button and Owen couldn't get to her anymore. Even though she was weakened, she still had all the power over him.

"I just don't see the point in all of it. I don't have any nightmares, I'm doing fine at work-"

"Yeah, but that's just because it's all normal again. As soon as something complicated will happen, you'll crawl back into your shelter and not only the nightmare's will return but it'll only get worse if you don't go to see a therapist. Trust me, I went through the exact same thing you're going through right now."

Cristina just wanted Owen to stop talking and to go. And she really didn't care about the consequences.

"Are you sure? Because I never strangled anyone in their sleep." If she had analyzed her response before actually saying it out loud, she probably wouldn't have said it.

She felt Owen emotionally distancing himself from her and taking his hands from her knees. She could see his eyes growing dark and she knew that she sent him back to that dark place where the guilt of strangling her and of surviving his whole platoon was eating him alive. He gritted his teeth, stood up and hurriedly left the room. He turned around in the doorframe.

"Just to hell with it. You know, maybe it really wouldn't help anything if you went to therapy. Because you're just too stubborn and self-centered to listen to anyone's opinion, but to your own."

A few seconds later she heard the door shut.

Cristina sat on Meredith's old leather couch and waited for her to return with a strong cup of coffee. After her argument with Owen she had gone straight to her friend to tell her what an idiot her boyfriend had been and how going to therapy had been one of his worst ideas ever. She was positive to receive moral support from her friend, but she had not been able to figure out Meredith's opinion on the delicate subject yet.

As soon as Meredith appeared, she planted herself right next to Cristina and handed her a cup of coffee.

"Thanks." Cristina said, lost in her thoughts. Owen's words still echoed in her ears. Was she really being too insensitive?

"So… and now tell me what happened exactly between you and Owen. Your rambling is pretty hard to understand."

"Mer, I don't know either. He found out about the possibility of going to a shrink and suddenly we were fighting and… look, I really don't wanna think of it right now." She closed her eyes for a moment of peace. The others could think whatever they wanted to think. She was certainly NOT going to be lectured by some old man, who had no idea about the real world anyway.

"Cristina. You know that I'm not fond of Owen, but he's got a point in this… Going to therapy isn't the worst thing happening to you. It worked for me."

"But that's you. You're easy to manipulate…-"

"Thank you?!"

"Sorry. But I'm pretty sure that no shrink will help me find my way to myself again. I just don't believe in such kind of things."

"But it's medicine. You believe in medicine, Cristina."

There was a long silence.

"Most of all, I believe in surgery." Cristina answered and pushed her hair back over her shoulders. "Why does it feel like I'm the bad guy when it should be my decision if I go or not."

"He just wants to help you." Meredith's tone became slightly softer. "You remember the nightmare?"

Cristina had to look away. That night had not been a good night. Multiple times Owen had tried to talk to her about the incident but until now, she had always managed to avoid the subject.

"He was there. He saw you suffering and from what I heard he understands suffering. Cristina, you're going through the exact same thing he did. Don't you think that kinda gives him permission to argue with you about this?"

She let out a long sigh and recalled Owen's voice in her mind. He just wanted his old Cristina back. She couldn't be mad at him, she also wished she knew how to fix herself. And it wasn't his fault that his idea of helping her was different from hers.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this…This is my decision, I mean we're not married, he's not my-" She abruptly stopped and tried to compose herself. What did she just say?

Meredith raised her eyebrows and gave her a questioning look. Out of a sudden, a smile appeared on her face and she leaned forwards to hug her person. Cristina quickly threw her arms away and looked at her in disbelief. When Meredith's smile didn't fade, Cristina stood up from the couch and walked to the door.

"Okay, who cares about your opinion anyway? Call me when you've decided to stop being weird!" She shouted with her foot already out of the threshold.

 _Where is Owen?_ This one question echoed inside her mind and she couldn't think of anything else. She was shivering, so she pulled the blanket on her sofa tighter around her chest. Almost maniac she stared at the door, waiting for it to open and for Owen to appear and tell her everything would be fine and that she would never have to live without him. When she had gone to sleep lately, she hadn't known that she would awake with images of her latest nightmare still imprinted to her brain. Again she had dreamt of Owen getting shot and not getting up. She had had to watch again life flowing out of his body and him getting paler and paler until there hadn't been any signs of life anymore. She had woken up screaming for help and then had to realize that no one was able to hear her pleas for help. She needed to make sure Owen was fine and healthy. So where was he?

She noticed how her breathing got heavier and tried hopelessly to calm herself down and to put her mind at ease. _Owen's fine._ She persuaded herself. _It was just a dream, Cristina. He should be here any minute, just be patient…_

If he appeared at all… after their fight this morning Cristina wasn't so sure anymore.

As somebody tried to open the door, her head jolted up and her gaze fixed the door. Fortunately, the door was locked, but she still was as afraid as hell.

"Who's it?" she asked, the fear betraying the steadiness in her voice.

When she could see the outlines of Owen's face, she was genuinely relieved. She exhaled slowly, thanking God that she didn't have to face another insuperable trauma today. But that didn't suppress her fear or her anger.

In a few seconds she was at the door and gave Owen a meaningful look, before she unlocked the door for him.

"You're late."

"I-I'm sorry..?" He clearly wasn't sure what had caused her outburst, but he still didn't quite get it.

Without giving him a second glance, she turned on her heels and planted herself on the sofa again, trying to compose herself. She was shivering and was getting frustrated with the blanket. She could feel tears forming at the back of her eyes that threatened to spill over. Owen gave her an awkward look from the door and slowly walked inside to hang up his jacket without ever disconnecting his gaze from Cristina's. Cristina knew she probably didn't make a lot of sense right now, but considering what Owen had gone through with her, she thought he could handle her having a panic attack. Not that that didn't happen rarely in times like these.

"Hey.." he tried to console her, but was quickly interrupted by Cristina.

"It's not okay" she made clear, while wrapping herself tighter around the blanket to protect herself from any harm.

With a sympathetic look on his face, he stepped closer and slowly sat down, leaving her enough space, because he was afraid she would run away from him.

Carefully, he asked, "Cristina, what is this?"

She could feel her brain shutting down and all common sense leave her, and when she heard her voice breaking, she would have almost slapped herself.

"I don't wanna be alone."

That statement broke Owen's heart. Did she really think she was alone in this world? He realized that Cristina probably didn't know the extent of his love for her. That he still was kind of afraid he would lose himself in his love for her and that he wouldn't be able to survive if she left him. So how could she believe she could lose him in any way? He was tied to her if he wanted it or not.

He let out a sigh of disbelief and scooted to her placing a hand on her knee, physically telling her his heart.

"You don't ever have to be alone again. I'm not going anywhere, Cristina. I won't ever leave again, do you hear me? I am not going anywhere. Cristina…"

Suddenly a ring appeared in front of her face and all she could do was stare. She wasn't sure if she comprehended the extent of his declaration, but she knew she needed to hear something like that since Derek's heart had started beating on its own again.

"…if you let me stay."

Her first instinct was to grab it and put it on her finger and then relief washed upon her. This was her proof that Owen would never leave her. She would always have him by her side and now she couldn't be surer about that.

"Thank you" she whispered and stared at the ring on her finger.

Owen rubbed her shoulder and was again shocked to feel his immense love for her.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm so late…" he attempted to assure her that he understood, that he'd help her whenever she needed help, but was quickly silenced when Cristina embraced him muttering another "thank you".

She then broke away from him and marveled at how gorgeous he was and how much she was on love with him. As much as it was true that she saved him, the opposite was equally true. Cristina softly stroked his cheek with her left hand, the ring on her finger shimmering in the dim light, before she captured his lips in a passionate kiss. As they melted into each other, she could care less about what tomorrow looked like, she would live in the now, because she had Owen to guide her into the tomorrow.

The day started off as an ordinary day with two people fighting and not being sure where they were at in their lives, but ended with two people promising each other to take care of themselves and to spend the rest of their life together.

 **A/N: this was my last chapter and btw I loved how Owen proposed to Cristina*.* this was just so sweet in its own way and I hate it when people say their wedding was a PTSD wedding just because Cristina had PTSD and it was all very rushed, but like Owen once said they got married bcs they LOVED each other. Please leave a review, it really brightens up my day!:))**


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